5 Good Reasons Not To See Guardians of the Galaxy


Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
Directed by James Gunn
Written by James Gunn & Nicole Perlman
121 min.


Guardians of the Galaxy is a new movie that has just come out and apparently it’s great or something. It’s got a raccoon and a green lady and tree guy and a regular guy and another guy, and they’re all in space doing stuff. It’s directed by James Gunn, who made Slither, a great movie, and wrote the Dawn of the Dead remake, a quite good movie. His other movie Super was bad, but whatever. Quoth the Neil Hamburger, “They can’t all be zingers!” But I digress.

Everyone’s saying you should see this thing, and maybe they have a point, but I can think of five good reasons why you shouldn’t.

1. There’s no way it’s better than this video:

2. Or this video:

3. Or this video:

4. Or this video:

5. Or this video:

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