![\"coffee\"](\"http:\/\/smugfilm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/coffee.jpg\")
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This seemingly random stock photo will make sense later on in reading this piece.<\/em><\/p>\n There\u2019s a blatant continuity error in Jurassic Park<\/a> that terribly irked my six year old brain. I\u2019ve pointed it out to tons of people in my life, so I might as well publicize it here too. I\u2019m sure it\u2019s already on IMDb, but c\u2019mon, this is my life story here.<\/p>\n When the helicopters are landing to deliver our main characters to their exotic location, there are several shots of the helicopter slowly lowering to the landing pad. It\u2019s a great sequence, but in it is a shot of two jeeps pulling up to a stop, and in the wide shot, the jeeps are already there.<\/span><\/p>\n This mistake was very bothersome to me. It also awakened me to the fact that movies are fake, and, that they are made by people.<\/span><\/p>\n Later in life, I learned that Spielberg doesn\u2019t care about continuity mistakes and just lets them happen. Scorsese has a similar attitude. In their minds, you should be paying attention to the story, and if a mistake like that \u2018takes you out of the movie\u2019, then they have already failed. In other words, if a movie is truly lessened by these errors, how good could it be in the first place? Scorsese just lets his actors go nuts and freely cuts between takes, because he knows that, at the very least, he\u2019s adding to the jaggedness of the scene. And when Spielberg overlooks them, it\u2019s because he\u2019s simply more focused on the story than the amount of coke left in someones glass.<\/span><\/p>\n Continuity errors don\u2019t bother me\u2014unless we\u2019re talking Troll 2<\/a> or something. Instead what\u2019s always bothered me is the bizarre rules that govern the worlds in movies.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n It is the duty of every movie to establish the rules of its own universe\u2014this includes not only the expository groundwork of the story, but the logical behavior of the characters, and the basis for their decisions and actions. Every movie creates a world, and the best worlds are in the best movies. Sometimes even, a movie\u2019s depth and richness comes solely from its world, its design. Regardless of a movie\u2019s individual world though, all<\/i> movies seem to exist in a larger world that governs the decisions of every movie character. I call this phenomena \u2018movie world\u2019, and the things that happen there are retarded.<\/span><\/p>\n We all know the obvious ones, like don\u2019t go out and explore the scary woods when you hear a weird sound. Those are silly, and are often handled terribly, but they don\u2019t bother me much. The ones below, however, drive me nuts:<\/span><\/p>\n Fake Ass Cups<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n Every fucking time anybody in a movie or TV show is carrying a cup, with or without a lid, it is empty! You can tell because of the weight in somebodies hand. Sometimes it\u2019s subtle and almost unnoticeable, but sometimes it\u2019s totally fucking ridiculous. Somebody will hand someone what\u2019s supposed to be a tray full of hot coffees, and they just like, brazenly hand it to them, because in real life they are just empty cups.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The cups are empty because you can\u2019t have hot, stainable liquids in actors\u2019 hands while they\u2019re try to act. However, what I don\u2019t understand is, to get the weight right, why not just fill them with something, anything.<\/i> It doesn\u2019t even have to be liquid\u2014just put some kind of weight in there that won\u2019t spill out and won\u2019t hurt anyone. Solved, you stupid assholes.<\/span><\/p>\n Note: Michael Richards defied this rule on Seinfeld and demanded to carry only real props. He\u2019s a genius.<\/span><\/p>\n Tell the Cops What Happened, Asshole!<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n In movies, when a character is accused of something they didn\u2019t do, or really just in any situation of peril, they never fucking explain to the cops exactly what happened. The reason, from a storytelling standpoint, is because they can\u2019t just have the main character rehash everything we just saw, so they always have the character exasperated from some kind of chase or something. Sometimes, they even go as far as to have the character just panting and exclaiming gibberish in a heightened volume. As if, in a dangerous situation, a human\u2019s natural response is to just spout rushed nonsense at the person who could potentially help you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n High School Classes Only Last 3 Minutes And Teachers Only Remember to Give Homework As Their Students File Out<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n The title explains it all.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Computer Sound Effects\u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n Every computer in every movie has a bunch of fucking sound effects on it that no computer has or ever<\/i> has had. We all know the familiar swoosh of an email being sent on a Mac or whatever\u2014but, when you zoom in on a picture, no computer makes a sound for that. It would be fucking stupid if they did, and everybody knows they don\u2019t, so why the fuck does it happen in movies?<\/span><\/p>\n Cellphones in Movies<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n That\u2019s it. Cellphones should not be in movies. Movies should be an analog universe when it comes to phones. I\u2019d rather they just ignore that cellphones exist then try to write them in or out of any script\u2014it\u2019s always noticeable.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Not Giving or Getting Enough Information for Plans<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n Every time two characters set a time for a meeting or a date, they always just say \u201cPick you up at eight?\u201d Or sometimes, nothing at all. In movie world, just agreeing to get together with somebody somehow automatically downloads all of the necessary logistical information into both people\u2019s brains.<\/span><\/p>\n Everybody is a Writer<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n Practically nobody<\/i> is a writer, so why is everybody a writer in movies? I think the reason is because it\u2019s a job where you make a lot of money, which explains the characters\u2019 means. And, they also work from home and make their own schedule, which explains why they never eat or sleep or do anything other than deal with their personal relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n There are more, many more, but these are the ones that bother me most. I don\u2019t even care that much about the lightning thing\u2014you know, how it always happens simultaneously with thunder in movie world.<\/span><\/p>\n What ones bother you<\/i> the most?<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<\/p>\n