![\"ATeacher\"](\"http:\/\/smugfilm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/ATeacher.jpg\")
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A Teacher<\/a> (2013) There is a movie called A Teacher<\/a>. I want you to read that sentence again, so in case you\u2019re like me and your automatic reaction to instructions is to ignore them, I will type it again, forcing you to:<\/p>\n There is a movie called A Teacher.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Here\u2019s why I like that sentence\u2014the most you can say about the movie A Teacher is that the person the filmmaker shot the most footage of was playing a teacher in this movie about a teacher that is called A Teacher. Nothing could ever be more literal. I have no idea what writer-director Hannah Fidell was going for with her title, but she has achieved the strongest connection in history between a piece of art and its title\u2014A Teacher is most definitely 75 minutes of a teacher.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Here\u2019s what \u2018happens\u2019 in A Teacher:<\/span><\/p>\n [Ed. note: Spoiler Alert]<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n A female teacher is in her class. You guys think I hate everything, and that I\u2019m hypercritical and all that jive, but go watch the movie and you tell me what the hell else happened.<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s a relief that, this time, I\u2019m not alone\u2014some folks on IMDB are having the same problems with this movie I had (or, I guess, just watching the movie and reporting what happens). The positive reviews seem a little shady, and one of the negative ones even accuses them of being planted by the production company. Obviously, I have no idea if that\u2019s true or not, but go read them. They\u2019re interesting.<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019m fascinated by this movie. Not only is this movie \u2018not a movie\u2019 (it\u2019s only a movie because the lady who cobbled it together says it\u2019s her movie, and not like, some raw footage she just found in a waste basket) but on top of that, it\u2019s literally not anything<\/i>. Like, in the case of Andy Warhol\u2019s Empire<\/a>, I get it\u2014it\u2019s an abstraction. It\u2019s stupid, and nothing, but that\u2019s the point\u2014and that point is a stupid, nothing point, but that all becomes circular and the whole thing is kind of a comment on itself. And there are a lot of other movies that are nothing\u2014Upstream Color<\/a> and Wendy and Lucy<\/a> come to mind, and of course Raging Bull<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n But heres the thing, when I put those in a group and do the \u2018which one does not belong?\u2019 test, A Teacher is the answer. I\u2019ve explained what Empire has to offer. And Raging Bull is an absolute film school in tone\u2014despite not being about anything, it looks, sounds, and feels fucking amazing at times. Wendy and Lucy has a dog in it and you at least get the sense that Wendy cares about the dog and wants it to survive. And although nothing happens in Upstream Color, or makes any sense at all, at least the stuff that happens is weird\u2014like, theres a guy recording sound effects by a pipe thing, and there\u2019s a bag of dead pig babies and stuff.<\/span><\/p>\n A Teacher really takes my whole concept of \u201cjust a bunch of footage<\/a>\u201d to heart. It is unabashedly just a teacher<\/i>. In fact, A Teacher is so much<\/i> just a teacher that it is literally impossible to say anything about it of substance because the movie gives you no ammunition\u2014so I guess, in an ironic twist, Hanna Fidell created an uncriticizable work. But I\u2019ll try to criticize it anyway.<\/span><\/p>\n The obvious conflict in this film is that having sex with your student is illegal. If they get caught, there will be consequences\u2014in the world of drama, we call those \u2018stakes\u2019. The higher you raise the stakes, the more exciting the drama. This is why Hollywood movies are about like, an asteroid hitting the earth, and not a dude trying to buy tickets online\u2014getting those tickets might be tough, but it\u2019s not really that big of a deal if the dude doesn\u2019t. So, sure, the premise of A Teacher is at least a conflict\u2014and as an audience, we assume that they will get caught, because, dramatically, that is the most interesting outcome. I mean, I\u2019ll say this\u2014they at least have to come close<\/i> to getting caught. Or, I\u2019ll take it a step further\u2014something has to happen<\/i>. Nothing does.<\/span><\/p>\n There is not even a hint\u2014not even an attempt<\/i> at a hint\u2014to tell the audience anything about either of the characters. And I am not being hyperbolic or exaggerating\u2014the movie does not even try to give you any information at all about why she likes this boy so much, why the relationship is worth the risk, or why she makes such a dumb decision in the end. The movie doesn\u2019t try any of that with the boy character either. And there are no other characters<\/i>\u2014there are like five other people in it, but they are not characters.<\/span><\/p>\n For the kid, I guess we can maybe assume that since he\u2019s a teenage boy he likes sex, and might find the teacher attractive, or the situation exciting, so thats why he does it. The only real evidence of this is that he does actually have sex with her, so we are forced to assume that\u2019s the case. But hey\u2014its not called A Student for heavens sake, so who even cares what he thinks? (Certainly not the filmmaker.)<\/span><\/p>\n Again, this is not The<\/i> Teacher, this is A<\/i> Teacher. The title really sums it up and lets you understand what you are in for: footage of a female teacher having sex with one of her students, and also footage of her sitting, talking, running, and driving. Her performance is weird, in that it seems pretty dramatic for somebody who is not doing anything. But there\u2019s really no type of performance that could make sense in this movie, since nothing happens.<\/span><\/p>\n By now you must be thinking, \u2018Fuck you man, something must<\/i> happen.\u2019 Well, okay, let me explain further\u2014theres a thing in the movie about how the student will be going to a dance with a female student. The teacher is jealous. At the dance, the teacher sees them dancing, and is sad. She goes to the bathroom and the girl walks in. They use the sinks together and the entire time the teacher emotes really hard right into the mirror. Despite this, the girl never says, like, \u201cAre you okay, Ms. Whatever?\u201d which would be the common reaction to a fucking loon starring at you in the bathroom.\u00a0 It\u2019s a really bad performance that just looks silly and weird. Jealousy is whats being expressed here, but, okay, so fucking what? This is the absolute depth of drama in this movie. Girl sees girl that her boy is dancing with and is sad. That\u2019s it.<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019ll even up the ante here\u2014the first time anybody even remotely acknowledges the stakes is 39 minutes in. (I made sure to check the time on it.) So for the first 39 minutes of a 73 minute movie, all we have done is set up the premise. And, what\u2019s even funnier is that it\u2019s just a simple acknowledgement, and not even remotely dramatic\u2014a dude sees that the kid is on a ranch and the girl gets worried that they might get caught. But they don\u2019t get caught. There is literally no problem at all. The guy didn\u2019t even see her! What this means is the writer is trying to avoid the drama. She doesn\u2019t even want the movie to have things happen in it. And thats why I love that fucking title.<\/span><\/p>\n This movie was accepted into Sundance. I\u2019m not going to get all crazy about what a crime that is\u2014it\u2019s their festival and they can do whatever they want.\u00a0 Apparently, they want non-movies sometimes.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s to make the decent movies look better?\u00a0 Maybe they needed more female entries?\u00a0 Who knows.\u00a0 To me, Sundance\u2019s acceptance of A Teacher, and the sheer fact that the movie exists at all, is an endorsement of nothingness.\u00a0 It says that it is not only okay to strive to make your movie as uninteresting as possible, but that you can be rewarded for such.<\/span><\/p>\n I like that A Teacher exists because it\u2019s fun to me that somebody (not just somebody, but anybody, any person ever) would watch A Teacher a think, \u2018yeah, that\u2019s something\u2019.\u00a0 It\u2019s the ultimate dupe of art. By the artist making it, they are automatically saying, \u201cThis is something, this is my thing I did\u201d, and if they put it out there they are automatically setting a precedent that this has to be judged on the same plane as everything else, this piece has a contextual place within the entire history of the art form it belongs to. And that simple fact is what forces people to try to find some kind of value in it.<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s very hard (for everybody else, not me) to dismiss a work like this entirely. They think that since this thing means enough to the artist that they released it, that there must be something there of some value.\u00a0 In fact, me talking about it right now automatically gives<\/i> it a little value. I\u2019m okay with that though, because, like I said, it\u2019s fun\u2014it\u2019s funny to me that Hanna Fidell wrote words on a piece of paper that said like \u2018a teacher is running\u2019 or \u2018a teacher is having sex in a car\u2019. I\u2019m sure in the script itself it was dressed up with emotional descriptions, but maybe not. Either way, it\u2019s an amazing trick to be able to write nothing, get money to film nothing, employ some people to help create nothing, edit nothing, sound mix nothing, graphic design nothing, cut a trailer for nothing.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A Teacher<\/a> (2013)
\n<\/strong>Written & Directed by Hannah Fidell
\n75 min.<\/p>\n
\nThe teacher has sex with a male student.
\nThis happens several times.
\nShe is in a bar texting him.
\nShe has a roommate.
\nThe teacher and student go on a trip together to his parents\u2019 ranch.
\nThey have sex.
\nShe worries about them getting caught.
\nThey have more sex.
\nShe starts getting upset and the male leaves.
\nShe frantically drives to his house that night and in an anxious frenzy goes to his window to talk.
\nThe student\u2019s dad comes outside.
\nShe leaves.
\nShe listens to a voice mail that implies it\u2019s over.
\nShe cries.
\nThe end.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>Written & Directed by Hannah Fidell
\n75 min.<\/p>\n