![\"tusk\"](\"http:\/\/smugfilm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/tusk2.jpg\")
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Tusk (2014) Hey y\u2019all, this is a new series where I talk about movies I couldn\u2019t finish and why. I\u2019m not like Jenna\u2014I don\u2019t think you should Always Finish The Goddamn Movie<\/a>. To me, if fifteen minutes go by and it hasn\u2019t interested you at all yet, or if somewhere along the way to that fifteen minute mark it commits some sort of unforgivably lame act that makes you wanna abort mission, I say just hit stop and put something else on. No shame in that whatsoever. First of all, you aren\u2019t doing a movie any favors if you force yourself to watch it when you know you\u2019re not in the mood for its vibe. And second, I wholeheartedly believe that there are certain indefensible things a movie can do that can shatter your faith in it completely. And I\u2019m not talking trivial, nitpicky, clickbait-y,\u00a0CinemaSins<\/a> style offenses\u2014I\u2019m talking straight up, fuck this movie, we\u2019re done here type shit.<\/span><\/p>\n Case in point: the opening scene of Tusk<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Alright here\u2019s the thing\u2014there\u2019s bad CGI, and then there\u2019s bad<\/i> CGI. Unitalicized bad CGI is simply cheesy, corny, chuckle-worthy, eye-roll inducing, etcetera. It\u2019s mostly harmless, and can even be fun.\u00a0Deep Blue Sea<\/a> contains some horrible CGI, but who cares? The goings-on are a delight. (The infamous Samuel L. Jackson scene comes to mind.)<\/span><\/p>\n Bad<\/i> CGI takes you out of the film entirely, shattering\u00a0your trust and your ability to suspend disbelief, and thus, ruining your experience. I Am Legend<\/a> is probably the best example of this. Practical effects makeup would have made it one one of the best apocalypse films ever made. As it stands though, it\u2019s simply a great hour-long movie with a borderline unwatchable third act tacked onto it, due to Zemeckis-esque<\/a>\u00a0humanoids. It\u2019s impossible to sympathize with uncanny valley<\/a> people.<\/span><\/p>\n Tusk contains bad<\/i> CGI in its very first scene. It opens with Justin Long and Haley Joel Osment\u2019s characters hosting a podcast\u2014actually, wait, that reminds me, there\u2019s another<\/i> thing that made me want to turn this movie off, but it\u2019s the kinda thing that would only bother me, so it\u2019s not something I\u2019d ever actually turn off a movie over. See if you can guess it, just by looking at the following stills. It\u2019s two things, actually. Spot the two things that would make Cody angry:<\/span><\/p>\n If you guessed Justin Long<\/b> not talking into his microphone whatsoever<\/b>, and only Justin Long\u00a0having a pop filter<\/b>, you\u2019re correct! The microphones they\u2019re using are Heil PR40<\/a>\u2018s (the same microphones we use on the Smug Film podcast<\/a>, by the way) which are highly directional and close proximity, meaning that they really only pick you up if you\u2019re talking into it like Haley is. Which means that, in a real world setting, Justin Long would sound as faint as a church mouse. Plus, pop filters (screens to prevent harsh plosives<\/a>) are quite necessary for this microphone, since you have to use them so close to your mouth. So it\u2019s quite ironic that Haley is the one who doesn\u2019t have a pop filter, since he\u2019s the only one of the two that would even need it, since it\u2019d be impossible for Justin to pop his P\u2019s, given that his P’s are so far from the mic. Also, one last thing, the pop filter isn\u2019t even angled properly. Anyway, enough broadcasting nerd shit\u2014back to the major offense.<\/span><\/p>\n In this scene, they\u2019re discussing a viral video a fan of their show has sent them. They play the video, and it\u2019s a static shot, Star Wars Kid<\/a> type thing where a nerd is practicing with a samurai sword in his garage. He does some dorky moves, and then this happens:<\/span><\/p>\n However bad<\/i> this CGI looks in stills, trust me, it looks even worse in motion. It looks like Mortal Kombat for the Sega Genesis or something. It looks drawn frame by frame in Photoshop with a computer mouse. And look at the bones! It\u2019s like a goddamn Itchy & Scratchy cartoon. Not to mention the fact that there\u2019s no audio whatsoever. The video itself is silent, with just music over it, ruining any possible visceral reaction to the sound of the slice that might get you to overlook the ridiculous look of it.<\/span><\/p>\n Also,\u00a0the swing doesn\u2019t even make sense that it would cut through his leg. Look at his wind up and follow through\u2014there is no power behind it whatsoever. You can\u2019t cut through the strongest bone in the human body with an underhanded swipe like that, where your wrist is behind<\/i> your body and cutting upward<\/i>. It just makes no sense physiologically, even ignoring the bad CGI. Worst case scenario, he\u2019d have a small cut in the back of his leg requiring a couple stitches. More likely than that though, I don\u2019t think the blade would even make it through his jeans.<\/span><\/p>\n I was fully expecting Justin and Haley to call bullshit on the video and say it looks fake, and for that to be a plot point or something. Nope. It\u2019s 100% supposed to be real. The movie really expects us to believe this is a thing that has happened. I\u2019m sorry, but I just can\u2019t go on that ride.<\/span><\/p>\n Sorry, Kev. I genuinely like most of your films, but sometimes you are just lazy as hell. I don\u2019t understand how you looked at that CGI and thought to yourself, \u2018Yeah, that\u2019s done\u2019. Maybe that\u00a0marijuana you love so much is kind of a double-edge sword, providing you with great ideas such as the premise of Tusk, and horrible ideas such as releasing Tusk as it exists currently.<\/span><\/p>\n People get down on George Lucas for constantly fucking with the Star Wars films, updating CGI and tweaking scenes whatnot, and I tend to agree that that’s unnecessary. But ,I do think some<\/em> filmmakers really should do that from time to time. I\u2019d love to see a version of Tusk with a believable Kill Bill Kid scene. Maybe then I\u2019d actually finish it.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Tusk (2014) Hey y\u2019all, this is a new series where I talk about movies I couldn\u2019t finish and why. I\u2019m not like Jenna\u2014I don\u2019t think you should Always Finish The Goddamn Movie<\/a>. To me, if fifteen minutes go by and it hasn\u2019t interested you at all yet, or if somewhere along the way to that fifteen minute mark it commits some sort of unforgivably lame act that makes you wanna abort mission, I say just hit stop and put something else on. No shame in that whatsoever. First of all, you aren\u2019t doing a movie any favors if you force yourself to watch it when you know you\u2019re not in the mood for its vibe. And second, I wholeheartedly believe that there are certain indefensible things a movie can do that can shatter your faith in it completely. And I\u2019m not talking trivial, nitpicky, clickbait-y,\u00a0CinemaSins<\/a> style offenses\u2014I\u2019m talking straight up, fuck this movie, we\u2019re done here type shit.<\/span><\/p>\n
<\/b>Written and Directed by Kevin Smith
102 min. (5 min. watched)<\/span><\/p>\n![\"justin\"](\"http:\/\/smugfilm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/justin.jpg\")
<\/p>\n![\"haley\"](\"http:\/\/smugfilm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/haley.jpg\")
<\/p>\n![\"slice1\"](\"http:\/\/smugfilm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/slice1.jpg\")
<\/p>\n![\"slice2\"](\"http:\/\/smugfilm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/slice2.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
<\/b>Written and Directed by Kevin Smith
102 min. (5 min. watched)<\/span><\/p>\n