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Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) Very mild spoilers ahead.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n I had no interest in this movie until the bad reviews started rolling in, and rolling in hard. My favorite Batman movie<\/a> has an 11% on Rotten Tomatoes<\/a>, so a new one sitting comfortably at 27% with critics<\/a> seemed like it could be way up my alley.<\/span><\/p>\n But then, audiences started digging it. (To date, it currently sits at 65% with them<\/a>.) And that didn\u2019t bode well. \u2018Divisive\u2019 is not what I look for in a superhero movie\u2014\u2018universally-panned\u2019 is. This formula doesn\u2019t always work out\u2014Catwoman<\/a> really is<\/i> that bad\u2014but it has lead me to some gems, such as the modern body horror masterpiece Fantastic Four<\/a> from last year; Shaquille O\u2019Neal\u2019s charming, homegrown-vibed Steel<\/a>; and of course, the afore-alluded to Batman & Robin<\/a>, which I loved when I saw as a kid, then instantly hated on after I left the theater because everyone else was hating on it, then finally re-watched a year ago and realized that my initial assessment of it as great was spot-on and I never should\u2019ve kowtowed to something as philistinic as popular opinion.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Although certainly inherently philistinic, rarely is popular opinion more philistinic\u2014at least within the medium of film\u2014than when it comes to superhero movies. With most genres, the ones that pull 90% or higher on Rotten Tomatoes are usually pretty damn good, even if you\u2019re not a particular fan of the genre. But with superhero movies, nearly all of those are damn-near unwatchable by eyes that seek and understand art. You have to get quite low in the percentage to start seeing some artistic brilliance emerge\u2014The Rocketeer<\/a> (61%), Hulk<\/a> (61%), Blade<\/a> (54%), The Phantom<\/a> (41%), Punisher: War Zone<\/a> (27%), Blankman<\/a> (13%), to name a few that do some wonderful, genre-transcending and artistically-significant things. Granted, there are exceptions to this rule\u2014Iron Man<\/a> truly is great\u2014but in general, if you want art from a superhero movie, you gotta look in the bargain bin.<\/span><\/p>\n I do believe Batman v Superman is destined for the bargain bin eventually, but it is most certainly not a film to be mined for overlooked genius. If it is ever to be re-explored, said re-exploring should be done simply to study what not<\/i> to do\u2014with particular focus on exactly how much what-no-to-do can be packed into a single movie. It\u2019d take more time to unpack every single thing wrong with this stinker than I\u2019m willing to give it right now (I\u2019m still reeling, chasing its throat burn with as much soothing 60\u2019s Batman<\/a> as I can watch) so here are just a mere few of my stickiest sticking points:<\/span><\/p>\n Bruce Wayne v Clark Kent<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n Kinda takes the bite out of it, doesn\u2019t it? Were the film called this, I don\u2019t think it would have garnered near as much interest. \u2018Batman v Superman\u2019 sounds epic\u2014a showdown of \u2018King Kong vs. Godzilla<\/a>\u2019-esque proportions. Bruce Wayne v Clark Kent sounds like two men disagreeing, possibly in court. Not exactly tentpole-release fare. Yet, this is how Batman and Superman spend the majority of their time leading up to their in-costume battle: as normally-attired grown men with chips on their shoulder, in desperate need of a woman with a ruler to come in and settle, once and for all, who\u2019s packing more heat.<\/span><\/p>\n What\u2019s worse is that their grievances with each other are dumb\u2014so dumb, in fact, that in order for their beef to make any plausible sense at all, one can only assume that they are dumb themselves. Writing tip: If you have to drastically reduce the implied IQ\u2019s of your characters in order to get them to do what your story needs them to do, then the story needs work. Tool that, not their brains.<\/span><\/p>\n My hunch is that the studio wanted this to be a wholly new Batman v Superman story, with no direct drawing from any of the many times Batman and Superman have fought before in the comics. The problem with that is that the best minds in comics have been wracking their brain for great reasons for Batman and Superman to fight for sixty years.<\/i> If there\u2019s a clever way for the showdown to occur, they\u2019ve thought of it and done it. And so, in this film, we\u2019re left with a concept tons of comic book writers have probably thought of before, realized was dumb, and didn\u2019t do. (And for a comic book writer to not do an idea, that\u2019s saying a lot.<\/i>)<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 Batman v Superman, Until Batman & Superman v Someone Else<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n Not only is the entire reason why they fight dumb, them fighting isn\u2019t even the climax of the film\u2014it\u2019s a rumble-and-tumble midway into the bloated-runtime affair that makes the internal movie clock in your brain think it\u2019s almost over soon, but no, you\u2019ve got an entire movie\u2019s length of movie left<\/i>. Batman and Superman realize their misunderstanding, stop fighting, and patch shit up. Then some filler stuff happens, a big boss shows up, and then they fight the big boss together.<\/span><\/p>\n Why wasn\u2019t the second half an entirely other movie? Are we packing sequels right into the first film now? It should\u2019ve been two movies, and they coulda called the sequel \u2018Batman & Superman\u2019, bam, done. Hire me, Hollywood.<\/span><\/p>\n And of course, I don\u2019t mean the film should\u2019ve literally been split in half and released as two parts. What I\u2019m saying is, at the scriptwriting stage, the plots they wanted to handle should\u2019ve been plotted out into two separate movies, giving them more time and focus to strengthen the plausibility and storytelling of both plots. As it stands now, it\u2019s like they tried to cook two different main courses in one pot like some moronic bachelor, or the Epic Meal Time guys.<\/span><\/p>\n Wonder Woman, More Like, I-Wonder-Where-That-Woman-Is Woman<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n The cover of this thing, with Wonder Woman front and center, literally in front of Batman and Superman, leads those going into it to assume that she will essentially be a third protagonist\u2014maybe not a part of their showdown, but perhaps central to it, and certainly somewhat evenly distributed amongst the total film\u2019s runtime. Turns out she’s in it only seven minutes total<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n To call her a side character would be an insult to all the actual side characters in the film that have way more runtime and lines, and are infinitely less interesting. If I were to term her as anything, I\u2019d say that she\u2019s this film\u2019s Boba Fett\u2014so instantly cool and captivating that you can\u2019t understand for the life of you why she\u2019s so perpetually here-and-then-gone. And what\u2019s worse is that her theme song in the film that plays whenever she shows up is ridiculously good<\/a>. Whenever you hear it, you\u2019re like, \u2018oh shit, shit\u2019s about to go down\u2019. And each time, nothing.<\/span><\/p>\n Piss-poor line readings aside (everyone sucks in this movie, so I blame the dialogue and direction, not her) she\u2019s a beacon of light in an otherwise dull and often unparseable affair.<\/span><\/p>\n @DeepSuperheroMovie_Ebooks<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n I don\u2019t understand this movie. And that does not make me dumb, or mean that I wasn\u2019t paying good enough attention\u2014this is simply a movie that is impossible to understand. Not only does the plot of course take leaps in logic due to the inherent difficulties that lie in getting the bat and the supes to throw down, but it is forever circling themes and concepts, poking at them from afar but never actually exploring them. This movie has absolutely nothing actual to say about God, or Man, yet you will hear those words a lot watching it\u2014much in the same way that spam sneaks in certain key words into otherwise meaningless blocks of text in order to get past spam filters.<\/span><\/p>\n Skimming this script, I\u2019m sure studio heads assumed it had the depth they no doubt required it to have, wanting it to be deep like The Dark Knight<\/a> is (or rather, allegedly is\u2014no one has been able to prove it) so that they could make The Dark Knight bucks. Actually watching it though\u2014forced to read it front to back, essentially\u2014is like scrolling through a @DeepSuperheroMovie_Ebooks Twitter feed: just unfinished thought after unfinished thought after unfinished thought. Each character speaks seemingly as part of a hive mind that can only spout callow, faux-smart ramblings unfit for even a DeadJournal<\/a>. To make one more apt-as-fuck comparison, it\u2019s as though Fred Armisen\u2019s Weekend Update character Nicholas Fehn<\/a> wrote a superhero movie.<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019m all for superhero movies \u2018having something to say\u2019, but I like them to actually have something to say<\/i>. Far too often, ones that allegedly do, don\u2019t, but get away scot free as though they do, simply by implying so strongly that they do. It\u2019s a significant victory that Batman v Superman has been called out as hard as it has for its vapidity.<\/span><\/p>\n The Effects Are Vapid Too<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n You\u2019ve seen the big boss before. He\u2019s the same CGI ogre that\u2019s been in every movie with a CGI ogre in it in the last ten years. He should damn near have an IMDb page at this point. I wouldn\u2019t be surprised if he has an agent.<\/span><\/p>\n You\u2019ve seen the colored energy beams before\u2014and if you haven\u2019t, you\u2019ll see them so much just here that you\u2019ll feel in a near-constant state of d\u00e9j\u00e0 vu, perpetually wondering if you already saw the scene you\u2019re watching. Since when is Superman Cyclops from the X-Men? If I asked one of the screenwriters for a list of all of Superman\u2019s powers, it\u2019d probably go down like this classic Bobby Slayton bit<\/a>: \u2018We have an eye beam, or an eye beam, or how about an eye beam, or an eye beam, or an eye beam\u2019, etc.<\/span><\/p>\n Lastly, part of the fun of superhero movies is seeing the way the superhero\u2019s surroundings are portrayed\u2014one of my favorites being the Ayn Rand wet dream that is Gotham in Batman & Robin<\/a>, where skyscrapers and giant statues overlap in an M.C. Escher-esque cacophony of excess. And that was done with actual manpower and constructing of set pieces\u2014tons of time and energy and elbow grease. So it doesn\u2019t make sense that, in 2016, with the ability to create photorealistic CGI backgrounds at our disposal, we should ever have to look at boring surroundings in one of these films. And yet, Gotham and Metropolis here are such that I would never want to visit them. I\u2019d sooner vacation in Superman 64<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n What\u2019s Worse Is I Haven\u2019t Even Scratched The Surface<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n There are countless valid gripes about Batman v Superman all over the internet already, and I\u2019m sure there will be tons more now that it\u2019s out on Blu-Ray and all the people intelligent enough to skip it in theaters will finally be able to root around in its ineptitude. These are just the peeves of mine that have been bubbling to the surface of my mind most bubblingly\u2014ones that, as far as I know, haven\u2019t been brought-up-to-death elsewhere.<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019m sure more will be begging to be released through my fingertips at a later date. Until then, I\u2019ll be enjoying all the legitimately good Batman and Superman films and TV out there, desperately reminding myself that the superhero genre can be done right. Maybe I\u2019ll give Superman IV: The Quest for Peace<\/a> a whirl. 12% with critics, 16% with audiences\u2014ooh, and 90 minutes long! Certainly sounds good to me.<\/span><\/p>\n 1 1\/2 out of 5 Codys.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) Very mild spoilers ahead.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n I had no interest in this movie until the bad reviews started rolling in, and rolling in hard. My favorite Batman movie<\/a> has an 11% on Rotten Tomatoes<\/a>, so a new one sitting comfortably at 27% with critics<\/a> seemed like it could be way up my alley.<\/span><\/p>\n But then, audiences started digging it. (To date, it currently sits at 65% with them<\/a>.) And that didn\u2019t bode well. \u2018Divisive\u2019 is not what I look for in a superhero movie\u2014\u2018universally-panned\u2019 is. This formula doesn\u2019t always work out\u2014Catwoman<\/a> really is<\/i> that bad\u2014but it has lead me to some gems, such as the modern body horror masterpiece Fantastic Four<\/a> from last year; Shaquille O\u2019Neal\u2019s charming, homegrown-vibed Steel<\/a>; and of course, the afore-alluded to Batman & Robin<\/a>, which I loved when I saw as a kid, then instantly hated on after I left the theater because everyone else was hating on it, then finally re-watched a year ago and realized that my initial assessment of it as great was spot-on and I never should\u2019ve kowtowed to something as philistinic as popular opinion.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,1],"tags":[278,277,289,5163,5165,5164,2630,5173,5177,5175,5176,5166,5178,5167,5179,2842,2709,5174,5180,2083,5168,5170,5169,4455,5182,5185,5181,5183,5184,268,5172,5171,1978],"class_list":["post-7071","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-allposts","category-codysreviews","tag-batman","tag-batman-and-robin","tag-batman-and-robin-movie","tag-batman-v-superman","tag-batman-v-superman-movie-review","tag-batman-v-superman-review","tag-blade","tag-blankman","tag-bobby-slayton","tag-bruce-wayne","tag-calrk-kent","tag-catwoman","tag-deadjournal","tag-fantastic-four","tag-fred-armisen","tag-hulk","tag-iron-man","tag-king-kong-vs-godzilla","tag-nicholas-fehn","tag-punisher-war-zone","tag-shaquille-oneal","tag-steel","tag-steel-movie","tag-superman","tag-superman-4","tag-superman-4-the-quest-for-peace","tag-superman-64","tag-superman-iv","tag-superman-iv-the-quest-for-peace","tag-the-dark-knight","tag-the-phantom","tag-the-rocketeer","tag-wonder-woman"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/smugfilm.com\/oldsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7071","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/smugfilm.com\/oldsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/smugfilm.com\/oldsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smugfilm.com\/oldsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smugfilm.com\/oldsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7071"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/smugfilm.com\/oldsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7071\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7090,"href":"https:\/\/smugfilm.com\/oldsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7071\/revisions\/7090"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/smugfilm.com\/oldsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7071"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smugfilm.com\/oldsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7071"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smugfilm.com\/oldsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7071"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n <\/b><\/span>Directed by Zack Snyder
\n <\/span>Written by Chris Terrio and David S. Goyer
\n <\/span>182 min. (‘Ultimate Edition’)
\n <\/span>151 min. (Theatrical)<\/span><\/p>\n![\"batsup2\"](\"http:\/\/smugfilm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/batsup2.jpg\")
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\n <\/b><\/span>Directed by Zack Snyder
\n <\/span>Written by Chris Terrio and David S. Goyer
\n <\/span>182 min. (‘Ultimate Edition’)
\n <\/span>151 min. (Theatrical)<\/span><\/p>\n