Cody Clarke v ‘Batman v Superman’

batsuptop

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)
Directed by Zack Snyder
Written by Chris Terrio and David S. Goyer
182 min. (‘Ultimate Edition’)
151 min. (Theatrical)

Very mild spoilers ahead.

I had no interest in this movie until the bad reviews started rolling in, and rolling in hard. My favorite Batman movie has an 11% on Rotten Tomatoes, so a new one sitting comfortably at 27% with critics seemed like it could be way up my alley.

But then, audiences started digging it. (To date, it currently sits at 65% with them.) And that didn’t bode well. ‘Divisive’ is not what I look for in a superhero movie—‘universally-panned’ is. This formula doesn’t always work out—Catwoman really is that bad—but it has lead me to some gems, such as the modern body horror masterpiece Fantastic Four from last year; Shaquille O’Neal’s charming, homegrown-vibed Steel; and of course, the afore-alluded to Batman & Robin, which I loved when I saw as a kid, then instantly hated on after I left the theater because everyone else was hating on it, then finally re-watched a year ago and realized that my initial assessment of it as great was spot-on and I never should’ve kowtowed to something as philistinic as popular opinion.

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A Delicious Batman Smoothie

batmanforever


I have never read a comic book in my life.  To the many of you who are now automatically writing off my opinions on the Batman movies, let me please remind you that I’m writing about movies.  I respect comics as an art form, and they have been fodder for some great movies (namely Superman, the Spider-Man trilogy, Ghost World, and that’s literally it) but the truth is, I don’t really know a thing about comics.  I do love the idea of them, though.  What’s not to love?  I like heroes and villains and crazy costumes.

When I was a little kid I loved Batman.  I got into the campy Batman TV show when I was about four and started collecting Batman action figures.  I remember when the cartoon came out, it was the coolest thing I’d ever seen.  At the time, I was too young to see Tim Burton’s Batmans.  They came out when I was three and five, respectively.  And by the time they were age-appropriate for me, I had already moved on to dinosaurs and Spielberg.

Like everybody though, I have seen all of the Batman movies.  Unlike everybody, I know that the only one that is good is Batman Forever.  I’ll explain, but first, I have a lot to say about the other Batman movies, and I’d rather just say all them all here in one long, meandering essay than have to write separate ones.
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