Category: Greg’s Essays

A Smug Film Bonus Post About the 2013 Oscars

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Cody’s Oscar Thoughts:

I hate the god damn Oscars. Basically, for all the same reasons everyone hates the Oscars, so I don’t need to get into all that here. However, I still watch every year, because the tree of disgust for Hollywood must be refreshed from time to time by the blood of patriots. (I think Thomas Jefferson said that.)

Of what’s nominated, basically, Joaquin should win Best Actor (his acting in The Master is as good as acting can possibly get) Michael Haneke should win Best Director (I haven’t seen Amour yet, but the man can do no wrong, and fuck the Academy for snubbing The White Ribbon for Best Foreign Film a few years back) Amour should win Best Picture (because fuck you again) and Emmanuelle Riva should win best actress. (I’m sure she’s great in Amour. She’s a great actress. Léon Morin, Priest is like the greatest thing ever.)
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‘Wanna Hang Out?’, or, Airheads is Better Than Dog Day Afternoon

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There’s an odd video on YouTube where Quentin Tarantino lists his 20 favorite movies that have come out since he became a director in 1992.  The video was made in 2009—making it a 17th year anniversary celebration of him being a director.  The arbitrariness of this echoes The Simpsons’ 138th episode spectacular (although that was a joke).

His list is surprising—in good ways and bad.  I love that he lists The Matrix and also makes a point to disregard the sequels “that serve only to tarnish the mythology of a badass movie”.  And with Jan de Bont’s Speed, he adds a clever caveat that we “forget everything that happens after the bus stops.”  But then, for some reason, he names Woody Allen’s Anything Else—one of his least significant movies.  (It’s also kind of a bummer since Allen’s best movie, Deconstructing Harry, came out in ’97—well within Tarantino’s arbitrary 17-year timespan.)
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A Delicious Batman Smoothie

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I have never read a comic book in my life.  To the many of you who are now automatically writing off my opinions on the Batman movies, let me please remind you that I’m writing about movies.  I respect comics as an art form, and they have been fodder for some great movies (namely Superman, the Spider-Man trilogy, Ghost World, and that’s literally it) but the truth is, I don’t really know a thing about comics.  I do love the idea of them, though.  What’s not to love?  I like heroes and villains and crazy costumes.

When I was a little kid I loved Batman.  I got into the campy Batman TV show when I was about four and started collecting Batman action figures.  I remember when the cartoon came out, it was the coolest thing I’d ever seen.  At the time, I was too young to see Tim Burton’s Batmans.  They came out when I was three and five, respectively.  And by the time they were age-appropriate for me, I had already moved on to dinosaurs and Spielberg.

Like everybody though, I have seen all of the Batman movies.  Unlike everybody, I know that the only one that is good is Batman Forever.  I’ll explain, but first, I have a lot to say about the other Batman movies, and I’d rather just say all them all here in one long, meandering essay than have to write separate ones.
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A Rebuttal to ‘The Empress, Quite Literally, Has No Clothes’

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Let me just start by saying that I agree with everything Cody says about Lena Dunham.  But only because it’s true.  Except mostly it isn’t.  What I mean is, it’s true of everything of that ilk.  The ‘ilk’ I’m referring to is any hip ‘indie’ thing made after 1995.  Clerks is the only good movie like this and I suspect it’s because it was made by a fat white nerd with a chip on his shoulder at a time before that was a cool thing to be.  Kevin Smith made it cool, so of course everything after it sucks.  And if it weren’t for the ‘big word’ chapter cards interspersed throughout it (included just to appeal to the bohemian, intellectual, college crowds) it’d probably be a perfect movie.
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