Fuck the Third Act of ‘On The Waterfront’

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Fuck it right to hell, man. I don’t even.

On The Waterfront (1954)
Directed by Elia Kazan
Written by Budd Schulberg
108 min.

Very mild spoilers ahead.

Of the three acts which make up the three act structure, the third act is really the only one which has the ability to fuck you in the ass. You’re watching a movie, you’re digging it, you’re having a good time, you feel safe, and then all of a sudden it’s forcing itself into your butt. We’ve all been there.

A movie is like a penis, basically, and you are like a vagina. When you a watch a movie, you’re letting it inside you, and there’s a certain degree of trust which goes along with that. ‘Don’t hurt me, or at least, if you do hurt me, hurt me in an enjoyable way’—that sort of thing. And if a movie tries to fuck your ass in the first act, you can stop it before the tip is barely in and put on some other movie. Same goes for the second act. But when it fucks you in the ass in the third act, you’re in shock—it goes in and you can’t even believe what’s happening and you just have to lay there as it tarnishes the relationship you had built with it up until that point. And then when it’s done, you don’t know how to feel about it anymore. You remember the good times, sure, but the bad is fresh in your mind.

I had this very experience with On The Waterfront last night, and my booty hole is still twinging with pain.
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The Big Picture: Christopher Guest Should Write More Scripts

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The Big Picture (1989)
Directed by Christopher Guest
Screenplay by Christopher Guest & Michael Varhol & Michael McKean
100 min.

Rob Reiner once told a story on Kevin Pollak’s Chat Show about going to the premiere of The Princess Bride and seeing Christopher Guest there.  In his mind, he thought, ‘that’s nice of him to come and show his support’.  Then, after a minute, it dawned on him—he’s in the movie!  He goes on to explain that Guest is such a good actor that he completely disappears into his roles—so much so that Rob literally forgot he was even in his movie.
Continue reading The Big Picture: Christopher Guest Should Write More Scripts