Tag: smug film

The 10 Best Movies Ever Made

kane


The cinematic powers-that-be tend to decree that Citizen Kane is the best movie ever made, or sometimes Raging Bull.  I don’t have a problem with that appraisal.  It’s fun.  Lists are fun—they expose people to cool movies they may not have heard of, and cause debates over who’s the most badass horror villain from the 80s, or what the best movies for libertarians are.

However, what is annoying is that whenever these movie freemasons decide that Vertigo is the third-best movie of all time or something, it causes all the opinion-scavenging cinephiles-in-training to rant their little hearts out about how The Rules of the Game or whatever really deserves to be ranked third-best. These lists also do a good job of tricking people into thinking The Godfather is artistically superior to Back to the Future, which is ridiculous.
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Blue Jasmine: Woody Allen’s Most Visceral Film In Damn Near Ever

jasmine


Blue Jasmine (2013)
Written and Directed by Woody Allen (Duh)
98 min.

Woody Allen is my absolute favorite filmmaker, so it’s kind of funny that I’ve never reviewed one of his movies on here (not counting my brief glowing endorsement of Zelig in my 10 Films Every Libertarian Should See list). I guess I just don’t really have much to say about his films, which isn’t true, but fuck you I just don’t feel like it. Basically, I like, or like like, or love all his movies, and I definitely have lots of things to say about them, but where to start? Do I just do a series of lists, each covering a different decade? I guess. That’s probably the best way to go about it. But fuck you, that sounds like a lot of work. So I’ll just review Blue Jasmine for now, and do all that other stuff in the future, which most scientists agree is far, far away and not at all worth thinking about.
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The World’s End: Not The Seth Rogen One, The Other One

bam
From left: Moderator, Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost

The World’s End (2013)
Directed by Edgar Wright
Written by Simon Pegg & Edgar Wright

It’s a tough thing to come back to your hometown after years of avoidance. Revisiting streets and buildings you once knew so well almost makes you feel like you’re walking through your own personal shrine to your past. One might even categorize it as an almost otherworldly experience.

But the nostalgia only lasts so long, as you slowly realize that really nothing has stayed the same: a Starbucks has replaced your local coffee shop, the faces you once knew have been replaced with haggard and older models, the school bully who made your life hell doesn’t look twice at you, and the punks on the corner have blue-ink blood and don’t back down even after you’ve knocked their heads off.

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Hell Baby: The Best Summer Movie of 2013

hell
If that ain’t masterful mise-en-scéne, I don’t know what is.

Hell Baby (2013)
Written and Directed by Robert Ben Garant & Thomas Lennon
98 min.

Today’s review was slated to be Blue Jasmine, because I saw that last week and I certainly have a lot to say about it (sorry, next Monday, I promise) but then I realized that I’d somehow forgotten to ever write about Hell Baby, which I saw a few weeks ago when it came out on VOD and enjoyed a great deal. I suppose I could’ve written about Hell Baby next week, and stuck to writing about Blue Jasmine today, but fuck it—the mere moment the words ‘Hell Baby’ were back in my head, I couldn’t stop giggling. In fact, I’m still smiling, as I write this. And if that ain’t the textbook sign of a perfect summer comedy (and of a more fun thing to write about) I don’t know what is.
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The Hollywood Shuffle: Tales From a Showbiz Bigshot (Part One)

sampic


Compared to you, I’m still a Showbiz big shot. Trust me on that. I’ve made a lot of money, I’ve got a shitload of impressive credits, and in a few small circles, I’ve been afforded cult star status—but I won’t bore you with the resume. Look it up for yourself, or just take my word for it. (You ain’t gonna do either, and don’t think I don’t know that.)

However, it’s not much solace that most of my glitzier credits now wave to me from my rearview mirror despite the fact that some of my best work has been done within the last twelve months. (You know, I promised myself a long time ago that if I ever used the phrase, “Some of my best work,” I’d hang myself in a closet and hope the press attributes it to kinky sex gone awry. Hey, it worked for David Carradine, right?)
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