Category: Greg’s Reviews

After Earth: Blame Smith, Not Shyamalan

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After Earth (2013)
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
Screenplay by Gary Whitta and M. Night Shyamalan
Story by Will Smith
100 min.

Tommy Lee Jones once said that the secret to being funny is standing next to Will Smith.  Like any leading man, Smith is classically handsome, cut from steel, infinitely charming, and possesses an inexplicable charisma that glues your eyes to him.  His son does not.  Jaden Smith’s eyes are like Vin Diesel’s—boring and lifeless.  And his acting is about ten billion times worse.
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The Big Picture: Christopher Guest Should Write More Scripts

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The Big Picture (1989)
Directed by Christopher Guest
Screenplay by Christopher Guest & Michael Varhol & Michael McKean
100 min.

Rob Reiner once told a story on Kevin Pollak’s Chat Show about going to the premiere of The Princess Bride and seeing Christopher Guest there.  In his mind, he thought, ‘that’s nice of him to come and show his support’.  Then, after a minute, it dawned on him—he’s in the movie!  He goes on to explain that Guest is such a good actor that he completely disappears into his roles—so much so that Rob literally forgot he was even in his movie.
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Promised Land: Good Job, Gus

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Promised Land (2012)
Directed by Gus Van Sant
Screenplay by John Krasinski & Matt Damon
Story by Dave Eggers
106 min.

Promised Land is a good movie.  And Gus Van Sant is a good director.  And Matt Damon and John Krasinski are good actors and writers.

This is a movie that nobody saw last year.  It’s a small movie, the kind that still gets made by mega celebrities like Matt Damon but that nobody sees because the market is pretty well taken over by other kinds of movies like Taken 2 and The Vow.  But I’m not here to wax pretentiously about lowest common denominato, fluff that ‘Hollywood’ is so ‘evil’ for churning out.  (The hipsters have that market well cornered.)  I’m here, rather, to talk about Promised Land.  But first, about Gus Van Sant.
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‘Connected’: I Don’t Caaaaare!

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Connected (2011)
Directed by Tiffany Shlain
Written by Tiffany Shlain, Ken Goldberg, Carlton Evans, and Sawyer Steele
82 min.

There’s a great scene in Dumb and Dumber where Jim Carrey has been waiting for Mary Samsonite at the bar for hours, and the black woman from The Young and the Restless (I know this because my mom watches it) comes and sits next to him.  When we cut back hours later, she’s in the middle of a long, boring story about her ex-boyfriend.  Being an idiot, Lloyd makes no attempt to hide his annoyance when asked, with chipper enthusiasm, “And do you know what he said next?” He responds: “Nooo, and I don’t caaare!”

Watching this movie is like sitting next to that woman.
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Stone Reader: This Review Does Not Contain Spoilers, Read It and Go Watch the Movie

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Stone Reader
Written and Directed by Mark Moskowitz
127 min.

Mark Moskowitz could have easily just hired a private investigator and called it day.  Thank god he decided to make a movie rather than just find someone.

Stone Reader is a documentary about a guy who reads a book, likes it a lot, and wants to read the author’s other work.  He can’t find any, and decides to track down the author and find out why he never wrote anything else.  This may seem like a pretty thin, simple premise, but the movie transcends that.  It is literary, with a clear narrative and linearity, and it tackles an overall theme (that unfolds beautifully). Like a great novel, it also meanders—’hangs out’ and ebbs and flows.  It’s a movie made by a writer-at-heart who just happens to be a filmmaker and not an author, and a wonderful journey that you can’t help but melt into.
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