Tag Archives: the african queen

10 Movies Nobody Has Seen (Because Nobody Cares About Them)

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Sometime in the year 2000, I went to the movies, and I don’t even remember what I ended up seeing because one of the previews left such a profound mark on me that what followed has been erased from my memory.  The preview was for Under the Tuscan Sun, and when it came on all I could think was, ”who the fuck would ever want to see this movie?”.  That moment crystalized my understanding of the irrelevant.

The movies on this list are not famously bad like Plan 9 From Outer Space.  And they’re not notorious flops like Ishtar and Bonfire of the Vanities.  In fact, there’s nothing remotely memorable about them.  They just sort of exist, but it’s hard to believe they do, because nobody talks about them.  In a way, they’re much worse than awesomely bad triumphs like The Room and Troll 2, because those movies at least found an audience.  These movies are so wholly uninteresting in every way that they aren’t even worth making fun of.

If you’ve seen any of the following movies, please let me know.  You’ll be the first person ever to have seen them, and will be given an award as their respective patient zero.
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10 Awful Movies People Think Are Cool

troy

Troy Duffy, director of a ‘cool’, albeit awful, movie.

‘Coolness’ is hard to define, as it should be.  I suspect it’s difficult because coolness is an X factor.  It’s the swagger generated by the totality of a bunch of compartmentalized variants or something.  It’s also because coolness is not a science, it’s a feeling.  However, like most things, although it can’t be defined, it can be explained.  And, contrary to popular belief, explaining it is fun.  It doesn’t ‘kill it’ as so many pseudo-smart, sanctimonious anti-thought peddlers would have you believe.
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